In the late 1960s, a new show debuted on TV called “Laugh-In”. It was a fun variety show that was all comedy. One of the original cast members was Arte Johnson. Arte had a signature line that went, “We have ways to make you talk,” usually said in a somewhat sinister way. That line occasionally pops into my head when I meet a new client couple who states one of their main goal is better communication.
Listening Can Get You Closer Than Talking
What is ironic about Arte’s line is that one of the things I’ve learned about improving communication is that listening is a more effective way to improve your communication. To that end, the Gottman Method I use does “have ways to make you listen”. Their Method has tools like the “Stress-Reducing Conversation” or “Aftermath of a Fight or Regrettable Incident” that are designed to help couples hear each other more clearly and more deeply. One of the important goals of couple communications is to constantly be learning more about their partner. This is true no matter how long they’ve been together. The better known a person feels, the closer they feel to their partner. Now that’s a goal for couples’ work: Feeling better known by my partner.
I’m always on the lookout for stories about communication and listening. I discovered this article on “Three Modes of Effective Listening” by Jaime Hutzel which does a great job of breaking down listening into a variety of modes. He’s got some easy to access bullet points to help you put better listening into action. Jaime leads a company called EDC Communications which does coaching and workshops about communication for physicians and corporations. You can start his article here and click the link to complete it.
Till Next Time,
Three Modes of Effective Listening”
by Jaime Hutzel Starts Here:
Why are effective listening skills important? Simple. Most of what we do or don’t do (the way we act and respond to others) is based upon our understanding of the messages that have been conveyed to us. In “real world” terms, misunderstanding can cost us time, money, credibility, and even relationships. Conversely, accurately received messages create comfort, confidence, and appreciation in the minds of others, from friends to coworkers to customers.
Effective listening has three modes: attentive listening, responsive listening, and active listening. Understanding these modes will help you increase your listening accuracy and reduce the opportunity for misunderstanding.