About Therapy
Where do we begin?
We start with a simple conversation.
With you sharing your story and what has brought you (or brought you and your partner) here. I listen with interest and without judgment. I want to understand your perspective.
Some people are experiencing stress in their relationships and are hoping to find understanding, relief, and improvement.
Individuals come for a variety of reasons. They may be dissatisfied or uncomfortable with the path they’ve been on. Or they’ve struggled with anxiety or depression or simply emotional management and want to feel better. Some people come in crisis.
We explore not only this moment, but what these current struggles mean in the context of your life history. My people often find this work revealing and impactful.
Our goal is to make sense of your struggles and ultimately transcend them.
The past influences the present.
We all begin life as children, navigating the influences and demands of adults as best we can, doing our best to give us a map for a life that works. We’re often unclear about those influences and how they impacted our path.
My mother’s granddad started a retail store in the early 1900s. Her dad and his brother continued the business after my granddad passed. The next generation took over, and eventually, the next one after that. That’s how successful family businesses operate.
After college and a stint at Surfing Magazine, I was in the clothing business. After several years, I started my own business. Did I mention I was a Philosophy major?
Do you know the feeling of waking up one day and asking yourself, “How’d I get here?” The powerful gravitational force of family history can truly shape your direction and what “appears right.” The path has a mind of its own. I spent 20 years in the business world. I did alright, but I realized it wasn’t my course.
It’s not about changing you.
When I started as a therapist, one of my first mentors told me, “Don’t use change on your website. People don’t like change.” That was confusing because that’s what I thought we did as therapists – help people change!
Many years later, I do see it differently. My desire today is to help people grow in their perspective about how to be themselves. That growth occurs using the tools they acquire in our work.
As a result, couples learn to grow closer in their marriage and relationships. Individuals gain a new approach, helping them manage stress and improve their relationships. Through growth, you can achieve the ability to manage the intense emotions of being an adult in today’s world.
So, I guess Dr. Andrew Berner was right. It’s about growth, not change, although I think I can make the case that all that growth leads to positive change in people’s lives.
How’d I get so stuck?
Developmental Shifts refer to the natural changes we all experience as we progress through life stages.
Some examples of Developmental Shifts include getting married, having children, breaking up, retiring, entering middle age, or reaching later life. Some of these shifts are smooth, but it can be tough when we go through one, and difficulties descend on us.
Stress, anxiety, illness, and intense anger can show up with overwhelming intensity. I walk with people during these challenging times.
I have more than a passing familiarity with Developmental Shifts in my life. Those experiences and the lessons I learned from them have aided my work with people facing personal transitions.
One thing that’s unique to me is that I spent 20 years in the business world before deciding to pursue something more in the second half of my life. My business experience (everything from a family business to a Fortune 500 Company) has often turned out to be useful for my clients. I know firsthand about the challenges and stressors of business and how they can overflow into our family and personal lives.
About Paul Gillane, LMFT
Some leaps are worth taking.
What’s a leap? It’s another word for jump, perhaps with more spring than a regular jump.
I spent 20 years in the business world. And then I went back to school to change my career direction. I definitely was leaping. It didn’t happen without reflection and planning, and it was quite the change in direction.
Now, I have been a therapist for some 20 years. It was the right move because it helped me connect to my better self.
If you are drawn to a change of direction, let’s talk. I’d love to share my experience with that process.
Here’s some professional information.
I earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Philosophy from UC Santa Barbara and my Master’s Degree in Psychology from Chapman University. Since 1999, I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, providing mental health services and speaking about family therapy.
My professional development experiences include working with individuals and families in life transition, substance and alcohol abuse (as a treatment provider in Drug Court, DUI Court, County of Orange Dual Diagnosis Program), and with college students in campus settings.
My private practice is in Mission Viejo, California, and I served as an adjunct faculty member at Fullerton College and Saddleback College. In addition, I have presented curriculum at Hoag Hospital and the National Alliance for Mental Illness.
Other experiences include being a past Board Member of Families in Recovery, a free support group for non-using family members with addicted adult children based in Orange County, and a clinical member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.
Here are some fun things about me.
Sports have always been a fun part of my life. I played soccer and ran middle distances for THE Ohio State University (Go Bucks!). But my true lifetime love has been surfing and the ocean.
Surfing has been an integral part of my life. Then, a few years ago, I had a knee replacement, and my surfing ended. I couldn’t pop up to my feet, and if you can’t do that, you can’t surf. I was bummed.
I’ve been paddling stand-up for a while now, and this year, I plan to see if I can convert to SUP surfing. No popping up necessary since I’m already up! This is one of those Developmental Shifts in life that I was talking about. I could stay bummed and not surf, or I could try to change directions. I’ll let you know how it goes.